Empty Threats & How to Use Them Effectively.

The Boy is on to me. In hindsight; I should not have let him watch SuperNanny. He has just about as much common sense as a roll of Charmin (if I have to explain that one; look up their tag line)...he has as much common sense as a roll of Charmin, but possesses the intelligence to know that Time Outs are bullshit. He sits quietly, twiddling his thumbs, waiting for the kitchen timer to expire. Walks to me, listens intently with those big blue eyes, says he's sorry, and then goes back to his previous activity of being a shit-head. After the "High-sticking with the Swiffer" time out; I realized, this kid is too damn smart for your run-of-the-mill discipline. I need something threatening, but not too threatening; something new, cutting edge, ahead of it's time....thus emerged, The Empty Threat. It's a simple technique that will allow you to viciously threaten your child with loving acts of violence and he's so caught off guard with the thought of being beaten with his own arms (i really like that one), the laughter ensues and the behavior in question mysteriously goes away. Now this isn't for everyone; if you've ever been incarcerated, are on parole, or have a handle-bar mustache; you should not attempt this...it may be seen as hostile. Following a few easy steps; you too can learn to use empty threats effectively. Deliver the threat in a clear, domineering manner, if you laugh...it's over! Approach the subject as if you're going to follow through on threat; I like to actually begin to bite his toe so that he thinks it's real. And thirdly, the more ridiculous the better. Studies show that the use of absurd, empty threats increases test scores, will end world hunger, and scars your child's relationships with all future authority figures. All in all, a good choice. Good luck practicing these techniques, and I look forward to the future generation we are creating. ***no toes were actually bitten in the making of this blog.