Lack of sleep and parenting come hand in hand. We all have those mornings where we are zombies, the walking dead; the difference is some of us have to go out into the real world and function. Go out and interact with other adults; object to motions, preside over meetings, arrest people and keep law and order, and other countless tasks. Not me! I get to stay home and good thing, my lack of sleep causes me to slur my speech and slows my motor skills to the bare min; yet, in a toddler controlled household this is perfect!
I do, however, also do the things adults do, just in my jammies. I object to my toddlers’ constant whining, I preside over play-dates, meals, and arts & crafts. I arrest in two ways: cardiac and citizens’. (The cardiac arrest comes from my love of McDonalds!)
After 5 years of being a stay-at-home-mom, I don’t think I could integrate back into the adult workforce. I’m not sure I remember how a blow dryer or curling-iron work! Random, fluorescent colored hair bows and barrettes would not go over well in the workplace, nor would my half painted nails and the playdoh that has set up camp underneath them.
I’ve also forgotten how to read, unless it’s an ABC book, and I’ve forgotten how to write with a utensil that is not of Crayola brand. [Note to Crayola, develop a line of adult office supplies.] I would not be able to manage pouring coffee for people unless it was into a sippy cup, or get them food for fear that I would cut it up for them. (I have high expectations for my career after children, don’t I?)
And my brain doesn't allow me to communicate using large sentences, we’re used to three or four word commands here; ‘Go get your shoes’, ‘Go to your room’, ‘Get Mommy’s Wine’, things like that. How would that work in the outside world? ‘License and Registration’, ‘Stick ‘Em Up’, ‘Freeze Sucka’….oh wait, I could be a cop!
And where would I find stretchy, elastic waist work clothing? Unless I’m going to be a P.E. teacher, I don’t think it would fly. I need my Tees and sweats people. It’s what I’ve become accustomed to. Lucky for The Husband, if we were ever to get divorced, the life I’ve become accustomed to is that of a homeless person, so maintenance payments would be ‘nil.
As much as I miss human interaction with the outside world, I’m perfectly happy being a sahm, we’re a little community all our own. We even have secret handshakes, meetings, and clothing. Just kidding, except for the clothing part; we can spot each other from a mile away, sweatpants, two different socks, and a baseball hat.
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