Who Invented Paper!?

     Imagine going through life blaming everything and everyone for your daily woes and mishaps....oh wait, most of you do.   Let's rephrase...imagine blaming a significantly ridiculous, innocent bystander for all your daily woes and mishaps.  OK, some of you may still apply to this scenario; but, how many of you are seven years old? 

     Now, most kids are over dramatic and begrudgingly incapable of accepting responsibility for things that happen in their tiny little worlds.  On most occasions it's the fault of a sibling, a parent, or friend.  But, in our world, our seven year old likes to blame manufactures, theorists of history, mythical figures, and inanimate objects.

    I am unable to remember when these ludicrous attributions to his problems began; but, now that it is no longer an occasional occurrence, I've concluded that their must be something wrong with him.    For example; when receiving a paper cut, due to his own stupidity of paper placement near his mouth, he exclaimed, "Uggghhhh, who invented paper?  This is ridiculous!"   And in a Christian Bale like tantrum, stormed off to another room while tossing tables, punching babies, and kicking people in the balls.

   Another instance came when I was hurrying to put on his snow clothes so that he could go in the backyard with friends.  As I wasn't moving fast enough for him, and he feared he would miss something, he began to shout, "Who does mother Nature think she is!?  If she didn't invent cold weather, I wouldn't have to put a scarf, hat and gloves on!"  Again, Christian Bale, yadda yadda yadda.   So, the mythical figure of nature is to blame for him not being able to zip his coat in an expedited fashion. 

     It all seems to stem around who invented the items of his misgivings, or when challenged by a situation he immediately looks for a scapegoat.   A ridiculously irrelevant scapegoat, but a scapegoat nonetheless.   Here are some more gems:

• Shaming the inventor of "Music" because he has to practice the piano.
• The Dept. of Agriculture is to blame for making him try vegetables.
• Jimmy Carter should be put to death for inventing the Peanut.
• And it is his teacher's fault that he doesn't eat all his lunch; because sure, she's in the lunchroom with her class, hovering, eating all of their food.

    Wouldn't it be awesome to have this mindset?  To have this rationale as an adult? To make ridiculous claims and accusations against mythical creatures, and other objects and people with such grandeur and conviction?   Imagine the possibilities!   I personally can't wait to punch Walter E. Smithe in the face.  You'll rue the day you made me walk into the end of my coffee table, and stub my toe to the point of tears, Smithe!  RUE THE DAY!